Sound; a sweet redemption for the broken.
From within rises a cheer for revenge.
A strange hope for a chance to win
And be just as strange as we’ve always been.
And hidden within all the dirty looks,
Shining bright as nerds with books,
We know they want such freedom,
Just a chance to break and run.
And yes, as a matter of fact,
From within the skulls they’d love to bash,
We create what will make us big
While they peddle along as they’ve always been.
And hidden within all the dirty looks,
Shining bright as nerds with books,
We know they want such freedom,
Just a chance to break and run.
By the way,
We make it through the day
Without razor blades and sobes,
Without breaking down to our knees.
We’re different, as you know.
We know you’ll be at our shows.
Eventually, we’ll make it big
While you peddle along like you’ve always been.
And hidden within all the dirty looks,
Shining bright as nerds with books,
We know you want such freedom,
Just a chance to break and run.
You love the look
And the way we took
All your nasty insults
And throw at you books.
A lot of it doesn’t make sense and it’s really kinda strange. I was listening to I’m Not Okay by MCR when I started writing it so it’s a little screwy. =]
Review it, judge it! =D Thanks
Love it, Love strange things, Love MCR, Love Im not okay. It only seems senseless to the untrained eye and brain. If you think hard it actually contains truths about life. You are a genius and you didnt even know it.
OMG! I like it! It’s like a ”I’m different, so what?” Kind of peom and yes I did almost think it was aiming for the song I’m Not Okay…I truely love that song and mcr…:D But! Back to your poem,.. it does repeat a lot BUT its creative Its different.Different is good.All poets should dare to be different! :]
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Love it, Love strange things, Love MCR, Love Im not okay. It only seems senseless to the untrained eye and brain. If you think hard it actually contains truths about life. You are a genius and you didnt even know it.
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Okay yeah some of the poem was alright and some was just plain kiddy and irrelevant and uninteresting. This poem wasn’t very good but you can get better. Read good poetry and become a better poet. Avoid cliches.
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You really didn’t make this poem stand out. It’s just so common. You may think it’s "strange" but it really isn’t. It just is lacking in areas. You started out well, "
"Sound; a sweet redemption for the broken.
From within rises a cheer for revenge.
A strange hope for a chance to win
And be just as strange as we’ve always been."
The last line of that stanza is where I started to not feel positively about the poem. I think some of it is just awkward. The part about razorblades and sobes is just really teenage and cliche. Could you be a little more creative? There is more to pain in the human soul than cutting yourself and drinking energy drinks. I think a poem should be complex and beautiful and this didn’t do it for me.
But do me a favor. Keep writing and writing, and you’ll get to the point you wanna get to.
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