I want to hear something funny for some reason. It doesn’t even have to be a pick up line or joke. It can be like a funny story, too. or anything funny you can think of.
A Blondes Year In Review
January
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels…..
Helllloooo!!!…….bottles won’t fit in printer !!!
March
Got really excited…finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months…..
box said “2-4 years!”
April
Trapped on escalator for hours …. power went out!!!
May
Tried to make Kool-Aid….wrong instructions….8 cups of
water won’t fit into those little packets!!!
June
Tried to go water skiing…….couldn’t find a lake with a slope.
July
Lost breast stroke swimming competition…..learned later,
the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August
Got locked out of my car in rain storm….
car swamped because soft-top was open.
September
The capital of California is “C”….isn’t it???
October
Hate M & M’s….they are so hard to peel.
November
Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .. instructions said 1 hour
per pound and I weigh 108!!
December
Couldn’t call 911 …… “duh”…..there’s no “eleven"
"Is that a mirror in your pocket, because I can see myself in your pants"
I’ve always got a laugh out of that one
References :
YOU!!!
References :
ok. So, the other day, my 15 year old son broke his foot. At the hospital he was screaming, becuase of the pain. My ex-husband was telling him "You are such a baby! Why don’t you sleep with that stupid baby blanket that you used to carry around everywhere!" So, my son said "First of all, it’s called a ‘woogie!’, and i think I might just sleep with it!"
When I was in junior high, me and my friend where coming out of our spanish class, when this snotty popular girl aproached us. She said to my friend (who was vietnamiese) "aren’t you like….Japanese? Shouldn’t you be learning jajapense instead of spanish!?" so my friend goes "First of all, I’m vietnamese, and do you see any people speaking vietnamese around here? Becuase I don’t!"
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A Blondes Year In Review
January
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels…..
Helllloooo!!!…….bottles won’t fit in printer !!!
March
Got really excited…finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months…..
box said “2-4 years!”
April
Trapped on escalator for hours …. power went out!!!
May
Tried to make Kool-Aid….wrong instructions….8 cups of
water won’t fit into those little packets!!!
June
Tried to go water skiing…….couldn’t find a lake with a slope.
July
Lost breast stroke swimming competition…..learned later,
the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August
Got locked out of my car in rain storm….
car swamped because soft-top was open.
September
The capital of California is “C”….isn’t it???
October
Hate M & M’s….they are so hard to peel.
November
Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .. instructions said 1 hour
per pound and I weigh 108!!
December
Couldn’t call 911 …… “duh”…..there’s no “eleven"
References :
yo mama so fat that when she walked into a japanese market, everybody bowed down!!!!
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Pick up line:You should be arrested,you stole my heart!
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Dear Dad letter….
A father passing by his son’s bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was
nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope,
propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, ‘Dad.’ With the
worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with
trembling hands.
‘Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I
had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene
with Mum and you.
I’ve been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I
knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercing’s,
tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older
than I am.
But it’s not only the passion, Dad. She’s pregnant. Stacy said that we
will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of
firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more
children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t, really hurt
anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other
people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so
Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!
Don’t worry Dad, I’m 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday,
I’m sure we’ll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many
grandchildren.
Love, your son, Joshua.
P.S . Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at Jason’s house. I just
wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school
report that’s on the kitchen table.
Call when it is safe for me to come home!
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"he dont got wings,BUT DAYM HE FLY!"
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me
Do you work at Subway? Because you just gave me a foot long.
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Im looking for treasure. Can I check your chest?
Wanna play house? You can be the door and I’ll slam you.
Do you sleep on your belly? Can I?
Champaign can tickle your throat. So can I.
Im not Fred Flinstone, but I can make your bed rock.
The word of the day is legs. Lets go back to your place and spread the word
Some people say skins the largest organ: that’s not my case.
I lost my teddy bear. Will you sleep with me?
You have 206 bones in your body. Want another?
If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as hot as you, I’d have 5 cents
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