i really need a good laugh. so i prefer yo mama and cheesy pick up lines. but you can also say the funniest jokes you have ever heard. the joke that is the funniest wins.
scoring:
hardest laugh
crying
PICKUP LINES:::
I’ve heard sex is a killer. Want to die happy?
Excuse me, but I’m new in town, can I have directions to your place?
Can I buy you a drink – or would you just prefer the five bucks?
I’m a thief, and I’m here to steal your heart.
I wish I were a tear so i could start in your eyes, live on your face, and die on your lips.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.
Am I cute enough yet? Or do you need more to drink?
You must be the reason for global warming because you’re hot.
You know what would look great on you? Me.
Can I read your T shirt in brail?
Do you have a map? Because I keep getting lost in your eyes.
You know what? Your eyes are the same color as my Porsche.
I think I need to call heaven because they’ve lost one of their angels.
Is your name Gillette? Because you’re the best a man can get!
Do you believe in the hereafter? Well, then I guess you know what I’m here after.
Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants.
The body is made up of 90% water and I’m thirsty.
Baby you must be tired because you’ve been running through my mind all night!
Are you an overdue book? Because you’ve got FINE written all over you!
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice- can I get your number?
I have Skittles in my mouth, wanna taste the rainbow?
That’s a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?
You know, winning the lottery doesn’t mean much when you have a weak heart.
If I had a garden I’d put your tulips and my tulips together.
What has 142 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My zipper.
If you were a new sandwich at Mcdonalds, you’de be called McGorgeous.
All those curves! And me with no brakes!
Can I even get a fake number?
You might as well sleep with me because I’m going to tell everyone we did anyway!
Your mom was pretty good, so i figured you would be too.
I would say God bless you but it looks like he already did.
It’s a good thing I have my library card, because I’m checking you out.
Oh, sorry, I’m reserved for someone else.
Damn, I’m glad I’m not blind!
If I followed you home, would you keep me?
If I told you you had a gorgeous body, would you hold it against me?
You look like my second wife! And I’ve only been married once!
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Do you believe in love at first site, or should I walk past you again?
If you were Sprite, I’d obey my thirst!
Excuse me can I borrow a quarter, it is an emergency. My mom told me to giver her a call the first time I fell in love.
I lost my number, can I have yours?
Let’s make like fabric softner and snuggle
Do you like bananas or blueberries? Why? I wanna know what kind of pancackes to make in the morning.
Hey baby. Roses are red, violets are blue. I’m not a poet, but damn girl, you’re hot!
I Lost My Teddy Bear, can i sleep with you tonight?
<3
YO MAMA JOKES:::
Yo Mama’s like a library – open to the public.
Yo Mama’s so stupid she stole a free sample.
Yo Mama’s so stupid that when she saw a "Wet Floor" sign she did.
Yo Mama’s so stupid she can’t read an audio book.
Yo Mama’s so stupid she thought Thailand was a men’s clothing store.
Yo Mama’s so stupid she thought Meow Mix was a dance record by cats.
Yo Mama’s so stupid she failed a survey.
Yo Mama’s so fat, when she backs up she beeps.
Yo Mama’s so fat she’s on both sides of the family.
Yo Mama’s so fat her belly button has an echo.
Yo Mama’s so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
Yo Mama’s so hairy, shes growing afros on her nipples.
<3
Is there a mirror in your pocket? I can see myself in your pants.
References :
yo mama is sooo fat she sweats gravy.
References :
Your mama so fat when she left the house in high heels she came back in flip flops.
Your mama so fat when she goes to the beach people push her back in the ocean.
Your so ugly when you were born the doctor slapped your mother.
hey baby do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by you again.
References :
"If your right leg was Christmas, and your left leg was New Years, could I visit you in between the holidays?"
^^I love this one haha^^
References :
This one was actually used on me:
I put the STD in stud all I need is U.
References :
Yo mama’s so fat that it took me 2 plane journeys,1 bus ride and 2 cabs to get to her good side.
References :
" I hope you believe in the ‘ hereafter ‘ ? …..because if you’re not here after what I’m here after then your’re going to be here after I’m gone "
***********************************************************************************
Two good old boys are hunting in the woods and the first guy is looking through the high powered scope on his new rifle as he says to the second guy " Wow ! ….you won’t believe how far I can see with this !…I can see all the way back to your house !! ….Oh, Oh…..I see your wife in the house with a man and they are fooling around !! ".
The second guy says " I’m tired of that freaking woman always messing around on me !!! ….You know what ?….. I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot him in his private parts !!! "
The first guy, who is still looking through the scope, says " Hell !! …. I can do that with one shot !!! "
References :
Yo mama jokes:
Yo mama’s so old she was a waitress at the last supper.
Yo mama’s so stupid she sits on the TV and watches the couch.
yo mama’s so old her birth certificate says expired.
Yo mama’s so fat she has to iron her pants in the driveway.
Yo mama’s so ugly they film gorilla’s in the mist when she showers.
Cheesy pick up lines:
You must be tired because you’ve been running through my mind all night.
Jean Claude Van Damme you’re fine.
References :
yo mamas like a carpenter special, flat chested and easy to nail.
References :
PICKUP LINES:::
I’ve heard sex is a killer. Want to die happy?
Excuse me, but I’m new in town, can I have directions to your place?
Can I buy you a drink – or would you just prefer the five bucks?
I’m a thief, and I’m here to steal your heart.
I wish I were a tear so i could start in your eyes, live on your face, and die on your lips.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.
Am I cute enough yet? Or do you need more to drink?
You must be the reason for global warming because you’re hot.
You know what would look great on you? Me.
Can I read your T shirt in brail?
Do you have a map? Because I keep getting lost in your eyes.
You know what? Your eyes are the same color as my Porsche.
I think I need to call heaven because they’ve lost one of their angels.
Is your name Gillette? Because you’re the best a man can get!
Do you believe in the hereafter? Well, then I guess you know what I’m here after.
Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants.
The body is made up of 90% water and I’m thirsty.
Baby you must be tired because you’ve been running through my mind all night!
Are you an overdue book? Because you’ve got FINE written all over you!
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice- can I get your number?
I have Skittles in my mouth, wanna taste the rainbow?
That’s a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?
You know, winning the lottery doesn’t mean much when you have a weak heart.
If I had a garden I’d put your tulips and my tulips together.
What has 142 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My zipper.
If you were a new sandwich at Mcdonalds, you’de be called McGorgeous.
All those curves! And me with no brakes!
Can I even get a fake number?
You might as well sleep with me because I’m going to tell everyone we did anyway!
Your mom was pretty good, so i figured you would be too.
I would say God bless you but it looks like he already did.
It’s a good thing I have my library card, because I’m checking you out.
Oh, sorry, I’m reserved for someone else.
Damn, I’m glad I’m not blind!
If I followed you home, would you keep me?
If I told you you had a gorgeous body, would you hold it against me?
You look like my second wife! And I’ve only been married once!
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Do you believe in love at first site, or should I walk past you again?
If you were Sprite, I’d obey my thirst!
Excuse me can I borrow a quarter, it is an emergency. My mom told me to giver her a call the first time I fell in love.
I lost my number, can I have yours?
Let’s make like fabric softner and snuggle
Do you like bananas or blueberries? Why? I wanna know what kind of pancackes to make in the morning.
Hey baby. Roses are red, violets are blue. I’m not a poet, but damn girl, you’re hot!
I Lost My Teddy Bear, can i sleep with you tonight?
<3
YO MAMA JOKES:::
Yo Mama’s like a library – open to the public.
Yo Mama’s so stupid she stole a free sample.
Yo Mama’s so stupid that when she saw a "Wet Floor" sign she did.
Yo Mama’s so stupid she can’t read an audio book.
Yo Mama’s so stupid she thought Thailand was a men’s clothing store.
Yo Mama’s so stupid she thought Meow Mix was a dance record by cats.
Yo Mama’s so stupid she failed a survey.
Yo Mama’s so fat, when she backs up she beeps.
Yo Mama’s so fat she’s on both sides of the family.
Yo Mama’s so fat her belly button has an echo.
Yo Mama’s so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
Yo Mama’s so hairy, shes growing afros on her nipples.
<3
References :